Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.