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Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject