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A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...