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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
This status has been censored by Facebook
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
How long does it take to get obsessed?