Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things