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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.