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I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers