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Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)