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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.