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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
Does running out of money count as exercise?
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??