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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.