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Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
This status has been censored by Facebook
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.