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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3