Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Worry: a waste of imagination.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.