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I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Iām Not Arguing. Iām Simply Explaining Why Iām Right.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.