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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.