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What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Sometimes I think Iām too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.