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I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
only fights if pillows are present.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.