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That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.