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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.