Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.