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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.