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A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?