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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.