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Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...