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Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.