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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.