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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.