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I put the o in illiterate!
Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.