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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.