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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.