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for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
For Christmas I just want summer...
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.