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I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
I laugh in the face of normal.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.