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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
The future was so much cooler in the past.