Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies Iām going to pay with.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.