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Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.