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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
only 9530 days until retirement.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.