Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!