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The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.