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I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
In space they just call it "Jam"
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.