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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.