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I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.