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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?