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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)