Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.