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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
There is no time to check time
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...