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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
I flunked anger management class.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.