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People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.