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Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?