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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.