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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.