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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.