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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what Iām doing.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.