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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.