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I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.