Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day ā¦ but then I realized it was a mirror.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me Iām pretty.