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This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes