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Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.