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People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
only fights if pillows are present.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
It needs more cowbell!!
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.