Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"