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Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.