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I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?