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In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.