Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
My head says β€œgo to the gym” but my heart says, β€œstay on the internet forever and eat!”
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
is a mystery youΒ΄ll never solve
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
My IQ? ... With google or without?