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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?