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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift