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If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.