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My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.