Daily Silly Status

A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.

When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."

Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.

We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me

The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..

I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV

Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.

If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.

I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.

Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.

You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?

My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.

I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.

Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light

I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.