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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.