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No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`