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I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?