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Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.