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"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......