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What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?