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You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone