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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.