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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.