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In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.