Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!