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I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC