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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.