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My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.