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Iām going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science