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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.