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I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(