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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.