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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.