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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
I drink to make other people interesting
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.