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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?