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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.